May 29

Going Organic? Try Human Tears Instead of Salt

Just when I thought human creativity has become limited to smartphones, tablets, and computers, I chanced upon a story about the Hoxton Street Monster Supplies – purveyors of quality goods for monsters of every kind.  According to them, whether you’re a Vampire, Werewolf, Sasquatch, or some Thing else entirely, they have what you need.  Let’s move on to what they have to offer.

For those going organic, ever thought about using human tears to season your food?  They have Tears of Laughter (slightly sweet), Tears of Sorrow (obviously bitter), Tears of Anger (most likely a bit hot — considered the most expensive because of difficulty in harvesting), Tears shed from Chopping Onions (with a bit of zing), and Tears shed from Sneezing (you may have to verify if this includes some other exotic ingredient other than tears).  When I get myself one of these, I’m planning to get in touch with their expert tear harvester and ask if they are open to outsourcing their supply – might be a good business opportunity.

Another item that caught my eye was their Thickest Human Snot and the Olde Fashioned Brain Jam.  According to the label, these taste fantastic, especially if spread over a severed limb.  Of course, you can’t have a monster store supply without blood – those available are General Purpose O+, Virgin B-, and Extra Virgin AB- (not really sure what they mean by extra virgin though).  I also find their range of tinned fear quite interesting — I can think of some people I’d like to give them to.

Some of their items are available online, but you will have to drop by their store at 159 Hoxton Street in London if you want to avail of their full range of products.  For online purchases, they only accept Paypal and will not accept beans (magic or otherwise) nor will they accept human sacrifice.  Hoxton Street Monster Supplies is run under license from the Ministry of Stories, a volunteering organization which helps young people with all manner of writing, through free one-to-one mentoring and writing workshops.   The best proceeds from consumer purchases go towards supporting writing workshops for young people at the Ministry of Stories.  Should you decide to visit their store, here are some more images of their store.  I only have one word to describe the store – brilliant!


*  Images and information courtesy of Hoxton Street Monster Supplies.

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